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“But, you’re going to have to do what I say this next week.”“Okay. What do you want me to do?”“First of all,” my wife said, “no porn. Stop this now! Second, no jerking off. Third, you’re going to dothe chores all week. Fourth, you’re sleeping on the couch, so you can think about how selfish you’vebeen, and how to meet my needs.”I wasn’t about to argue. I figured I would keep my head down for a week and by the time a week wasup, the storm would pass.But my dick has a mind of its own. On the third night, as I tried to get some sleep on the couch, I keepthinking about Kate’s needs—her sexual needs. My cock got hard as I thought about my wife’s bigtits. I tried to think of something else, but my mind always came back to sex. My cock wouldn’t godown as I lay there.I crossed some line and decided the only way to get my cock to deflate was by masturbation. Idecided the quickest way was to look at porn. Knowing that my wife was asleep, I crept downstairsand fired up the computer. I. "Look," I rounded on Bob as he shut the door. "I spent the last week with a bunch of left-wing Catholic terrorist pornographers. And then I come home to find my fish all dead."He was staring at me like I'd grown a third head."Opus Christe?" the man behind me said in a deep voice. I gave him a quick glance, noticing only that he looked familiar, and then turned back to Bob."What do you know about Opus Christe?" I asked him."I'm the President of Opus Christe," he said."The what?" I asked breathlessly."The President," he affirmed. "Didn't you know that's where I worked?" Ya know, I knew you were Catholic," I began. "Well, actually, I just knew you had a lot of kids. But I had no idea —"By then, my anger had returned in spades. I held up my hand and began to tick off the list on my fingers."Well, allright, Mr. Opus Christe, I said, "then maybe you can explain the kidnapping, and the murder, and the pornography, and the terrorism."My thumb was hanging there uselessly."Oh, yeah, and those.
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